A part of me was petrified of recovery as the very process itself signified the unknown. I was the most afraid of what I may become – myself. I could not accept myself. The development of my eating disorder began and continued in part, as a result of relentless bullying during high school. They (the bullies) had convinced me that I was not a worthwhile person. Consequently, my ED became my new identity and Kylie as I once knew her disappeared into nothingness. Recovery meant that I had to reconnect and move towards a real sense of self. Discovering myself again and relating this to the world without fear has been my greatest challenge – I'm working on it. I think one of the the hardest things is to feel comfortable with yourself enough to take a blinded leap into recovery, but it is a leap that is worth it.
proud of you! this is one of the HARDEST things to do in recovery. So hard, seemingly impossible at times, but it's sooooo worth the leaps!
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