Friday, 13 March 2015

Learning Opportunities

I didn’t think it was possible for me to relapse until I did just that recently.

I  didn’t realize it was happening until I hit the ground – CRASH! BOOM! BANG!
The overall feeling I had about this was occurrence was shame.
I was so deeply ashamed that I did not have the foresight to not allow myself to be triggered.  

It wasn’t a complete fall back into behaviours such as not eating enough or exercising to excess but rather a gradual internal shut down.  The trigger, a specific person in my case, brought on such profound emptiness and my smile faded all over again. I went from being the most together I have been in years to  a complete mess.

I spoke to a dear friend of mine who encouraged me to see it all as valuable learning experience in taking better care of myself into the future.  The only way for me to stay well and happy is not be around anything that causes me to feel  ill and sad.  
I plan to do just that from now on because I don't ever want to feel like I have over the past 9 months.

6 comments:

  1. I just want to wrap you up in hugs and warmth and love. This slip of the proverbial pen is part of today's journal and yet it does not in any way define you. What will define you will be the beautifully complex story of resilience and hope that emerges over time. Hang in there.

    onebreath @ nowherelife.com

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    1. Lovely friend,

      You are gorgeous and I thank-you for all your love, support and kindness.

      xo

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  2. Oh Kylie-Rose, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. And even more sad to hear that your struggle was triggered by a particular person. I think sometimes we give so much power to what someone else thinks of us, or does to us, or says about us, when really what matters is what WE think of us, and how we reflect and react. I was in this situation myself a few years ago and I ended up having to distance myself from people who weren't having a positive effect on my life any more, even though some of those people had been in my life for years. We grow all the time, and we change, and sometimes we outgrow people. I don't know if the person you refer to is someone who has been a significant part of your life or not, but regardless of the situation, YOU are the priority. You have worked so hard and come so far and you are a strong and beautiful young woman. I know it's easier said than done sometimes, but don't let anyone strip you of your smile, and don't let anyone undermine the pride you have in your self, your strength, and your process. You deserve every happiness and goodness, and you're right - you don't need to be around anything or anyone that makes you feel ill or sad. You only have one life - polish the preciousness in it, let it sparkle. There is no time to let in anything that will dull your lovely shine xxx

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    1. Cheryl,

      Thank-you.
      Always - thank-you.

      xo

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  3. oh girl, I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling :( But I am SO glad that you are able to see and recognize it and take the steps you need to to get your feet back on the ground. The lapses that sneak in gradually are the tricky ones because you don't see it happening until your in the middle of it. I am always here for you if you need anything. I know we live far away from each other but I can keep you in my thoughts and send positive recovery vibes your way anytime!!! You are amazing and I'm so glad to know you :) Keep on fighting!

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    1. My dear beautiful friend Jenn - thank-you.

      I too am so glad that I was somehow lucky enough to befriend you during this road to recovery business. Your support has always meant the world to me ever since you were my first 'follower' on this blog some years ago.

      Thank-you always, thank-you xo



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