Hope

I used to question whether ‘full recovery' was truly conceivable for me.

 

I assessed my recovery by the lessoning influence that my ED had on myself and my life over time and yet still harboured a frightful sense of doubt that I may never be entirely well again.

As my life moved forward I became so much more recovered and yet I still had occasional days where I:

Struggled to eat enough as I should

Battled with body dissatisfaction

Heard the gloomy and irritating ED voice  

Became overwhelmed by memories and pain

Functioned terribly with no self-confidence

I wondered:

 “Is this what recovery is after all - a well-established practice of managing symptoms that would ultimately remain with me for the rest of my life always niggling in the background?”

Then my perspective changed and I simply could no longer accept nor entertain this reality for myself. I realised that by having this mindset of ‘recovery only by halves’, I was in fact short-changing myself and that by thinking in this matter was in effect, setting up only that outcome– a life of managing symptoms not eradicating and being free them for good.

I think hope is the one of the most important tools to possess, alongside unrelenting determination. If you decide to work hard enough in EDs opposition then it cannot and will no longer live on within you.  

Just like many of other amazing and inspiring people have done before, if you believe in your ability to reach full recovery then it IS possible and completely achievable.

This is all I want.