Image: Radu Voinea
I do cherish where I am today. I love having the consciousness of my surroundings that was not present while I was toppled by an eating disorder. I am here - completely in the present moment with my whole heart and soul.
At the same time this unclouded awareness is painful because it means coming to terms with why I was 'not present' for so long. It seems to be a great awakening of all the things I could not adequately process when I was much younger.
Some things can still affect me and I can just just sit frozen in a degree of disbelief that my story is in fact my own. These moments can really frighten me because I am reminded of the sinister nature of bullying and the devastation of eating disorders and of being profoundly broken down by both.
These moments of sitting still in an utter mess have become less and less as I've become stronger and wiser. I don't allow myself to freeze in a place of pain and grief for very long because it doesn't serve me in any way that is helpful or positive anymore.
Today I think in a much more rational manner - I survived and most importantly my focus is on what may comes next for me and of course as always on full recovery. And shoes! ♥