Image: Radu Voinea
I do cherish where I am today. I love having the consciousness of my surroundings that was not present while I was toppled by an eating disorder. I am here - completely in the present moment with my whole heart and soul.
At the same time this unclouded awareness is painful because it means coming to terms with why I was 'not present' for so long. It seems to be a great awakening of all the things I could not adequately process when I was much younger.
Some things can still affect me and I can just just sit frozen in a degree of disbelief that my story is in fact my own. These moments can really frighten me because I am reminded of the sinister nature of bullying and the devastation of eating disorders and of being profoundly broken down by both.
These moments of sitting still in an utter mess have become less and less as I've become stronger and wiser. I don't allow myself to freeze in a place of pain and grief for very long because it doesn't serve me in any way that is helpful or positive anymore.
Today I think in a much more rational manner - I survived and most importantly my focus is on what may comes next for me and of course as always on full recovery. And shoes! ♥
Shoes! I loved the very last part haha <3
ReplyDeleteYou are strong and you are still here. That means that you have to keep fighting. I know you can achieve anything in life. I believe in YOU and I love you so much <3 xoxo
Darling girl - THANK-YOU for your very sweet words. Shoes are awesome right?!I love you too and hope you are doing ok xoxo
DeleteOh yes, shoes ;)
ReplyDeleteI do understand completely. We are not present for so long, and as I say to so many, we only know the depth of that "not being present" when we wake up. In Wasted she spoke about life being in colour and not clack and white. But you only realise the fact you lived in black and white once you are in the light.
I hope that makes sense.
Love and miss you boo <3
Thank-you sweet Rache. This makes complete sense to me. Life is indeed in colour and it can be overwhelmingly bright when you have only lived in black and white for so long. I am so grateful for your friendship and love you too!!!xo
DeleteShoes :) I too love shoes. xx Sometimes the waking up and smelling the roses part hurts.....
ReplyDeleteShoes, shoes, shoes! So we all concer that shoes are awesome right? Hehe! Thank-you darling Jackie - they can be some awful smelling roses at times indeed :) xx
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