“Once you have put aside the beliefs and behaviours of anorexia you may find the issues underlying your eating disorder have risen to the surface creating soul-wrenching pain.”
Indeed, I have found these words to be of great truth.
Behind every eating disorder there is always some kind of pain and eventually the mind will find a way to re-connect with this pain in order to release it.
A year and a half ago I began to randomly (and ever increasingly) break down into tears about things that I thought I had long ago dealt with. It shocked me how these 'issues' reemerged with such intensity that I could no longer put them aside and carry on with my present life - the emotions I felt were incapacitating.
At first what I felt seemed ridiculous to me as it was completely out of context with my current life and current self. It then became apparent to me that the grief, pain, anger, disappointment and sadness that presented itself in my life were simply the emotions of much younger Kylie catching up with me and my recovery journey had all but travelled around in a circle to place me right at the very beginning again.
During this time I was given this piece of literature by a very insightful individual:
So as this piece of writing suggests I embraced my heartache and it hurt like hell. (Really, really, really hurt!). I am pretty sure I disappeared for months on end into sad songs on my Ipod while entertaining the fantasy that things could have been different for me. Once my tears dried and all my mulling over and questioning past events had run it's course I found I was changed person and above all much freer. ♥